SUMMARY 

• Most likely, you’re building your network and connections in the wrong way. 
• Today I want to teach you three principles you can use to build stronger connections with the people who matter most.
• Today’s principles are all around the acronym CPR, like the Health Saving Technique, but the letters stand for something different here. The C is for curiosity, the P is for persistence and the R is for reciprocity.
• The first principle is all around curiosity. Be curious, ask why, ask deeper questions. And you’ll see that the conversation just naturally flows. When you’re curious about someone and you’re asking that one level deeper, they will immediately be more engaged with you. They will immediately feel something magnetizing about that conversation, because you’re simply being curious about them.
• The next is persistence. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Everyone’s super busy, right? You’re super busy, so is everyone else. And often when someone gets that first email, when somebody is trying to approach them, they will discount it. Maybe they won’t respond right away or they won’t respond at all. But you have to just keep trying.
• And the third thing is the R, reciprocity. When you’re looking to connect with someone, ask yourself, “Well, what is it that you can give? How can you help them?” Don’t even ask for their help at first. How is it that you might help them further their cause? Give first and then you’ll receive more likely in return.

TRANSCRIPT

Most likely, you’re building your network and connections in the wrong way. And today I want to teach you three principles that you can use so that you can build stronger connections with the people who matter most. Because we all know it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know, and who you know can really propel you a lot further ahead in business and life.

Hi, my name is Eric Partaker and I help entrepreneurs, CEOs, leaders reach their full potential in business and life. And today we’re talking about how you can build super powerful connections because as I said earlier, it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know. So let’s make sure that we can help you get knowing the right people faster, better, more strongly, in a way that will deliver more results for you. And today’s principles are all around the acronym CPR, like the Health Saving Technique, but the letters stand for something different here. So the C is for curiosity, the P is for persistence and the R is for reciprocity. So make sure you stick around for the whole message today so that you can understand how to employ each of these principles to really maximize the strength of your connections.

Now, first principle is all around curiosity and this, I find absolutely fascinating, super powerful for a few reasons. One is, when you’re in one of those small talk situations, we’ve all been in these situations, right? Where you don’t really know somebody that well and you start engaging in all of the small talk and then suddenly you start to think, “Oh, I’m going to run out of things to talk about.” It’s impossible, when you remain curious. When you ask curiosity based questions. So instead of asking questions simply like, “What is it that you do for a living?” Go a step further. “What is it that you do for a living? Ah okay, and why did you choose that? Or what do you find most challenging about that career? Or if you could go back in time and choose any career, would you still choose what you’ve chosen?” So be curious instead of just asking, “Where are you from?” Ask a question more like, “What was it like growing up there? What was your childhood like? What were some of the most memorable parts of your childhood or of living in that particular location?”

Be curious, ask why, ask deeper questions. And you’ll see that the conversation just naturally flows. When you’re curious about someone and you’re asking that one level deeper, they will immediately be more engaged with you. They will immediately feel something magnetizing about that conversation, because you’re simply being curious about them. Now you don’t have to do this just in person. You can also demonstrate curiosity if you’re just reaching out to someone over email. You can once again, ask them questions that demonstrate that you care that one level deeper. So that’s curiosity, that’s the C.

The next is persistence. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again. Now I have to give this a bit of a disclaimer. This differs a little bit, whether you’re in person or you’re trying to meet someone say for the first time, and you’re communicating by email or something. When you’re in person and if you’re talking to someone and they clearly don’t want to talk to you, it’s probably not going to be a great tactic to continually just ask questions and continually try to talk to them though. They’ll be like, “Gosh, this guy’s giving me the heebie-jeebies. Get away from me. Aren’t you getting the message?” But it’s super, super useful when you’re in that networking mode and you’re trying to get in touch with someone for that first time especially, and you’re sending out that email. Now look, everyone’s super busy, right? You’re super busy, so is everyone else. And often when someone gets that first email, when somebody is trying to approach them, they will discount it. Maybe they won’t respond right away or they won’t respond at all. But you have to just keep trying.

I’ll give you an example. So I read this amazing book called, The Now Habit that really helped me transform myself from being what I labeled myself as a procrastinator to a producer. And it was written by a guy named Neil Fiore, and I really wanted to get in touch with Neil, author of the book. So I sent Neil an email, no response. Sent him a second email, no response. Put a reminder in my calendar to send him a third email, which was probably about four or five weeks after the first.

And finally Neil responded. And do you know what he said? He said, “Eric, I admire your persistence.” And it was off of that persistence that we actually connected. And as a result of us connecting, I ended up learning so much from Neil and really developed as a producer. Really overcame so many of my procrastination tendencies as a result of demonstrating that persistence with him. So curiosity, number one. It will really make the conversations flow, really make them effortless. What I mean by curiosity, is just go that one level deeper. Ask why. Really try to understand and you’ll feel that it’s like a magnet that pulls the person towards you. Persistence, you won’t always connect with somebody on the first time that you try, but keep trying, don’t give up.

And the third thing is the R, reciprocity. Now I have a nice story with this because this one was actually used towards me and it resulted in a positive connection with this person. So I have a friend of mine, her name is Ginger. And Ginger in the beginning of our relationship, as we are connecting as friends, she said to me, right early on, she said, “Eric, is there anything I can help you with?” And Ginger, she’s a speaker trainer. And I said, “Well yeah, I have this talk coming up and I’d love to run it by you.” And she’s like, “Yeah, absolutely. Run that by me and I’ll give you some tips.” So I ran the whole talk by Ginger and what she specifically really zeroed in on was a couple of things. So how I was introducing myself for the talk and my use of stories throughout the talk. And she gave me so much value in the very beginning of our relationship that later on when Ginger asked if I could help her on stuff, I didn’t even question it. I didn’t even think about it.

“Yeah, I’d be happy to lend you my thoughts,” on how she was growing and developing her business. And it’s all because she had demonstrated reciprocity to me. She sought first to give before receiving and by giving first, it made her desire to receive some help, just so much easier for me to want to do. It’s like I felt drawn or pulled to wanting to do that. So how you can employ this technique is by simply, when you’re looking to connect with someone, ask yourself, “Well, what is it that you can give? How can you help them?” Don’t even ask for their help at first. Instead, keep that first message after you establish that connection, demonstrate some curiosity, excitement around their work. You’ve demonstrated the persistence to make the connection and then seek to give something. How is it that you might help them further their cause? What is it in your skillset that might map really well against a gap in their skills that could help them further their mission and demonstrate that reciprocity. So give first and then you’ll receive more likely in return.

So in summary, three things that you can do to really create much stronger connections. Remember that adage, it’s not about what you know, it’s about who you know. And these three techniques when used together really have delivered incredible results for me, have helped me meet some really incredible people in both business and just life in general for myself. And they are curiosity. Go that one level deeper, it will really make the conversation flow. Be persistent. Try, try and try again. And seek to give before you seek to receive, because when you do that, you’ll trigger reciprocity in the other person, and they’re more likely to want to help and do something for you. So I hope you’ve enjoyed that. And if you head over to my website at Ericpartaker.com, you can also subscribe to my weekly Peak Performance Insights newsletter.